Sipping on Jameson, staring at the internet, trying to force myself to relax because I actually do not have anything to do on this Monday afternoon. I didn’t have anything to do over the weekend either… but I was missing the Jameson. My PhD research is on hold for a few days (just waiting for samples/emails/software). And I could try to provide a childish sense of import to my life by pursuing one of my many side projects - each of which was devised for that very purpose: write music, translate Gujarati folk songs, practice singing, work on a short story, ad infinitum.
But I run myself into the ground chasing my ambitions. It’s not that I feel like giving up…. I want all these things. I wish I could chase these dreams without the pressure I put on myself to become something.
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