femmedelamayhem:

… So, sometimes you have to simply listen to the sound rather than try and figure out where it comes from. if you enjoy the sound enough to follow it, the source will make itself known, Maybe when you stop looking for it.

——————-

I’ve increasingly been spending my time focusing on the things I have now, on the things that I enjoy, in an attempt to still the restless yearnings of my mind. Last year(ish), I would observe people lost in their daily activities - the butcher at the market, or the couple at the coffeeshop, or the musician on stage - and I would lust for that absorption, for that ability to be present in the actions of my life. Eventually, I realized that those yearnings weren’t getting me anywhere, and that, maybe, if I focused on what I have - which required admitting that I have some worthwhile “things” (i.e. interests, hobbies, daily activities) to begin with - that I could acheive a comparable level of absorption. I guess I was craving what I perceived to be the destination - the contentedness, the presence of mind/spirit - without fully understanding or appreciating the steps involved, which entails a dedication to the material world around you (e.g. your loved ones, your work, your hobbies). Hindu ascetics and Buddhist monks don’t believe in acheiving stillness through connection with the material world, but you can’t really be a contributing member of society that way.

Long story short, “listening to the sound” seems to be working. I focus on making music, on doing research, on cooking, et al., and I try to forget about the useless feeling of wanting to be elsewhere in life. I’m not as restless;  I’m more content with where I am. And I have a more comforting faith (as opposed to a driving or burning belief) that, one day, I’ll find the source of the sound, as long as I can keep my mind focused on the sound itself and not on the desire to find the source.